Is Divorce a Bad Thing?

Let’s be honest, divorce gets a bad reputation long before anyone talks about the reasons behind it.

Depending on the culture, divorce can be perceived to others as an abomination to the family or religious beliefs. Divorce has been around for many years. Yet, it seems to be uncommon in the African American aka black community. We have been indirectly taught through generations to endure unhappiness, pain and infidelity due to longevity of the relationship and judgment from the outside world. So many times, the need for divorce goes unnoticed and avoided until the situation becomes unhealthy and even dangerous to get out of.

Most of the judgment doesn’t even come from the couple involved. It comes from outsiders: family members with strong opinions, friends who think they know best, cultural norms that shame the idea of “giving up,” and religious expectations that paint divorce as a moral failure. With all that noise, it’s no wonder so many people stay in marriages long after the relationship has stopped being a source of love or peace. But what about the couples who aren’t leaving because of scandal or betrayal, no cheating, no big blowups, no dramatic downfall? What about the ones who simply outgrew each other?

People evolve. Interests shift. Values change. Sometimes two people wake up and realize they are no longer aligned emotionally, mentally, spiritually, or even physically. The attraction fades, conversations dry up, and every attempt to rekindle the spark, marriage counseling, date nights, self-help books, vacations, “fresh starts” leads right back to the same emptiness.

So, what do you do when the connection is gone and nothing seems to work?

Many people stay “for the kids,” thinking they’re protecting them from broken homes. But children can feel tension like heat in a room. They notice the silence, the distance, the unspoken frustration. Kids don’t need parents who pretend to be happy, they need parents who actually are.

Others stay because of religious pressure, holding on to teachings that sometimes guilt people into carrying emotional burdens God never intended for them. The idea that suffering in silence is somehow noble or spiritual is a story many of us were taught, but few of us truly believe.

At some point, you have to ask yourself: Am I living my life for others, or am I defining peace and love in a way that makes sense for me?

Choosing yourself isn’t selfish. It’s brave. It’s honest. It’s the recognition that you deserve more than survival mode, you deserve joy, connection, and emotional freedom. Divorce doesn’t always mean failure. Sometimes it means courage. It means choosing truth over tradition, healing over hiding, and a future that reflects who you are now and not who you were when the marriage began.

In the end, only you can define what peace looks like in your life. And choosing what’s right for you is not weakness, it’s wisdom.